Skip to main content

Video Transcripts

Applying Feedback to Your Paper: Paragraph Feedback

Last update 3/27/2018

 

Visual: Walden logo at bottom of screen along with notepad and pencil background.

Audio: Guitar music.

 

Visual: “Walden University Writing Center. Your writing, grammar, and APA experts” appears in center of screen. Background changes to a laptop and notebook a person is writing in on a table with the title “Applying Feedback to Your Paper: Paragraph Feedback.”

The screen then changes to show a sample paper with the following paragraph and feedback in a comment bubble from writing instructor Beth Nastachowski; the comment bubble is attached to the phrasing highlighted in the paragraph below:

CBPR is increasingly used to engage community stakeholders in a joint effort of addressing a public health concern.  CBPR is a collaborative process that involves community members in the research process with a mutual goal of implementing social change (Minkler & Wallerstein, 2008). In CBPR, amongst its members, there must be a shared goal, vision, and mission which must be continuously revisited with changing needs and priorities. Most importantly, in a CBPR initiative, the progress over time must be measured and the success must be communicated back to the community (Minkler & Wallerstein, 2008). Therefore, it is highly critical that information be communicated between researchers, community members, and community partners.

Comment bubble:

Great job including a topic sentence to start this paragraph! This topic sentence introduces the focus of the paragraph—using CBPR to engage community stakeholders—and sets the reader up to understand the rest of the paragraph well. It sort of acts like the introduction for the paragraph.

As the speaker continues, she points out the components of the feedback in the comment bubble.

Audio: In this video, we’ll focus on how to apply paragraph feedback to your writing. If you haven’t yet, be sure to watch our introductory video, “Applying Feedback Principles,” first.

What might that paragraph feedback look like?

Here’s an example: In this comment, the writing instructor is giving the student positive feedback, emphasizing that this paragraph includes a helpful topic sentence. Positive comments like this can be just as useful as constructive feedback, since now we know what we should do in a paragraph, not just what we shouldn’t do.

 

Visual: The speaker scrolls down to the next paragraph in the sample paper with the following paragraph and feedback in a comment bubble from writing instructor Beth Nastachowski; the comment bubble is attached to the phrasing highlighted in the paragraph below:

The grant writing must be clear, precise, and concise with all the important details, plans, and procedures which include quality, and validity of the research (Hoeft et al., 2014). Major communication methods used include the following: in person meetings, landline telephone conversations, cell phone, mailed letters, fax, and e-mails. Building effective partnerships brings about additional expenses, which allows partners to spend time learning about one another, developing trust, and developing processes for working together (Soriano, 2013). Fostering a relationship with community members can both be time and monetary consuming (Soriano, 2013). For example, sharing a meal together can contribute and foster a better relationship and allows community partners to connect both on a personal and professional basis at meetings.

Comment bubble:

Hmm. In this paragraph, we’re missing the topic sentence. Remember how I talked about your topic sentence above and how it introduced the focus of the paragraph? Without the topic sentence here, the reader isn’t sure what this paragraph’s focus is. Instead, the reader is sort of thrown into this information about grant writing, but doesn’t know why or in what context.

Use your great topic sentence above to add a topic sentence here.  Then, be sure to check all of your paragraphs in the paper to ensure they have topic sentences. If there’s another paragraph without a topic sentence, be sure to add one! 

As the speaker continues, she points out the components of the feedback in the comment bubble.

Audio: Here’s another example: In this comment, the writing instructor is pointing out a missing topic sentence. The writing instructor even points the writer to her previous comment, explaining that the previous paragraph should be used as an example for adding a similar topic sentence to this paragraph. The writing instructor then directs the student to add a topic sentence to this paragraph, but also to check the other paragraphs for any other missing topic sentences.

Note that in this second example, the writing instructor explicitly asks the student to apply this paragraph feedback throughout the paper. However, even if the writing instructor only commented on the missing topic sentence here, the student should still look for other places to apply this feedback; whether the person giving you feedback explicitly asks you to apply the feedback or not, the reality is that we often make similar mistakes throughout our writing. So, even when you aren’t explicitly asked to apply feedback in your writing, make sure you do so anyways.

 

Visual: The screen changes to show the following slide: Appropriate Revision Strategies

Ask questions: Analyze our writing

Reverse outline with the MEAL plan: Identify missing components

Highlighting: Visually signal where to revise

Audio: Before we look at how to apply paragraph feedback throughout your paper, let’s talk about the revision strategies we recommend you use when applying paragraph feedback.

First, try asking questions. In this paper, the writing instructor asked the student to look for missing topic sentences in their paragraphs. You could read through your paper, pausing at each paragraph to ask, “Do I have a clear topic sentence in this paragraph?” Pausing to ask questions helps us analyze our writing, finding areas for revision.

Second, try a reverse outline of your paragraphs using the MEAL plan. The MEAL plan is a way of conceptualizing the elements of a paragraph, including topic sentences (the “main idea” part of the MEAL acronym). To analyze your paragraphs, go through each paragraph and identify each element of the MEAL plan that’s present; this can help you identify missing topic sentences, but also other missing elements of the MEAL plan.

Third, try highlighting. Go through your paragraphs and highlight each topic sentence you find. Then, go back through and add topic sentences to the paragraphs that don’t have them. This is a great way to visually signal where you need to revise.

 

Visual: The screen changes back to the sample paper, showing the second paragraph with the feedback in the second comment.

Audio: Now that we know what paragraph feedback might look like and the revision strategies we might use to revise paragraphs, let’s apply this feedback in the paper.

 

Visual: The speaker writes a new topic sentence to start the paragraph, as follows:

There are unique features which must be considered when engaging community members in writing for a grant to cover expenses in a CBPR project. The grant writing must be clear, precise, and concise with all the important details, plans, and procedures which include quality, and validity of the research (Hoeft et al., 2014). Major communication methods used include the following: in person meetings, landline telephone conversations, cell phone, mailed letters, fax, and e-mails. Building effective partnerships brings about additional expenses, which allows partners to spend time learning about one another, developing trust, and developing processes for working together (Soriano, 2013). Fostering a relationship with community members can both be time and monetary consuming (Soriano, 2013). For example, sharing a meal together can contribute and foster a better relationship and allows community partners to connect both on a personal and professional basis at meetings.  

Audio: Here’s our second comment where the writing instructor noted the missing topic sentence. Using the example of the good topic sentence the writing instructor pointed out in the previous paragraph, I’m going to write a new topic sentence to add here.

 

Visual: As the speaker continues, she scrolls down through the other paragraphs in the sample paper, commenting on them and highlighting the sentences she’s identifying as follows:

By necessity the objectives of the CBPR must be clearly defined in the grant writing proposal. The grant writer must make an assessment about where the project is at and the relationship with stakeholders such as community members (Hoeft et al., 2014). It must be determined what kind and source of grants are available to fund the CBPR project (Hoeft et al., 2014). All of the criteria must be explicit in seeking grant approvals from an entity. Therefore, it is important for the grant writer to do background research on these funding organizations (Soriano, 2013). Grant writers should also consider the status of the project in its life cycle include in the grant writing (Minkler & Wallerstein, 2008). All of these initiatives are important when grant writing in an effort to seek financial support for a CBPR project.

Therefore, in this CBPR, it would be most practical to actually communicate with key stakeholders who are most impacted to get their views, opinions, or concerns. These key individuals or stakeholders are impacted or have an influence in this CBPR research, and therefore, their input is essential for the success of this CBPR research. Therefore, in this CBPR project, it is important that that all stakeholders interact with each other to keep abreast of the latest developments as well as the  executing and implementing the intervention (Soriano, 2013). This interaction between stakeholders is something that will be prioritized for this CBPR research to ensure its success.

Audio: Now that I’ve made this first change, I’m going to use the technique of asking questions to identify other places topic sentences are missing. The next paragraph has a topic sentence, but the paragraph after that is missing a topic sentence. This paragraph’s first sentence dives right into the focus of the paragraph, but doesn’t introduce the focus of this new paragraph. So, I’ll add a new topic sentence here as well.

 

Visual: The speaker adds a new topic sentence to that third paragraph, as follows:

For this CBPR to be successful, there must be support from all stakeholders, especially ICU nurses and doctors. Therefore, in this CBPR, it would be most practical to actually communicate with key stakeholders who are most impacted to get their views, opinions, or concerns. These key individuals or stakeholders are impacted or have an influence in this CBPR research, and therefore, their input is essential for the success of this CBPR research. Therefore, in this CBPR project, it is important that that all stakeholders interact with each other to keep abreast of the latest developments as well as the  executing and implementing the intervention (Soriano, 2013). This interaction between stakeholders is something that will be prioritized for this CBPR research to ensure its success.

Audio: Let’s look at one more paragraph: Does this paragraph have a topic sentence?

 

Visual: The speaker looks at the following paragraph, highlighting the first sentence:

Communication must be ongoing between all stakeholders to ensure that they are knowledgeable about the CBPR interventions. Communication is an important aspect of gathering stakeholders’ input (Soriano, 2013). Therefore, all of these stakeholders are encouraged to voice their opinions, views, or concerns. Feedback is highly encouraged because it identifies the successes and failures of the CBPR, as well as what initiatives can be undertaken to make the necessary improvements.

Audio: Yes, it does! This sentence introduces the idea that communication must be ongoing, and the rest of the paragraph explains and develops this main idea.

Audio: And the process continues! Use this process as many times as you need to analyze each paragraph, identifying paragraphs with missing topic sentences. I should continue until I’ve implemented all of the paragraph feedback I received. If this process seems complicated, trust us; it’ll get easier with time and practice.

 

Visual: The video ends with the following message: Walden University Writing Center

Questions? E-mail writingsupport@waldenu.edu